“I SPEAK TO EVERYONE IN THE SAME WAY, WHETHER HE IS THE GARBAGE MAN OR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY” — ALBERT EINSTEIN

back to blogging...
one thing i learn when my auntie who happened to have insurance broker job...
she is really really blow me off..
i mean the way she treat everyone else whether you are rich or poor, whatever ur statur is..
jujur aja.. aku klo sama mbak dirumah ngomnya jutek deh.. kalo nyuruh2 itu pake nada tinggi
kmrn tante datang... bener bener rasanya kayak ditampar lohhh
mbak makasih yah.. mbak makan dulu mbak mbak dan diikutin oleh berbagai macam manner yg bikin gw nganga!!!
iya gw bachelor degree tapi attitude gw selevel ama anak tk..
jujur juga kalo bertemen gw pilih2.. yg cantik yg kayak gw lebi demen..
heheheh tapi kejadian2 kmrn dari tante dtg buat chen beng *sembahyang kubur" bener2 bikin gw terbelalaik..

dan quote dari albert einstein.. mo jadi org besar!!! harus berhati besar dan berjiwa besar!!
banyak hal yg tau pasti.. mesti dirubah.. apalagi kalo udaberkarat di dasar hati.. well it takes time!
tapi uda bagus kalo sadar kan...

day 8, 9, 10, and 11

sunday actually is my diet day-off!!! since i already put off 3 pounds this last week!!  jadiii aku tetep diet hari minggu!!! karena next week tgl 18 gitu kan sodara merit jadi sapa tau kan sapa tau kan uda bisa pake khaftan ijoku!!! hihihi.. jadi smoga aja next week uda 67 or 66 gitu!!!! asiikkkkkkk

I NEVER GIVE UP! NO!

leave me be

Everyone has dealt with losing people, right? The hardest thing about losing the people that you love is seeing them with other people. It sucks knowing that the person you love moved on just a little quicker than you do. Because when you're with them, it's almost as if you're superhuman, and having to wake up in the morning, realizing that they're not there with you anymore, is a punch in the heart every time, it feels like you've lost your super powers. Saying, "I'm happy for you, now that you've found someone else in your life that makes you happy," is the biggest lie anyone could ever say to their loved ones. You're not happy seeing them with anyone else, as selfish as it sounds, you wish it was you, you wish they've never found anybody else but you. When your sweetest dream came true turned into a nightmare, makes it seem like you forgot how to dream again. I know how that feels because I've been through all of it. All, tiny, bit of it. 

But what if the tables are turned *inspired samo adele "turning table"*, what if you're on the other side of the road? Knowing that someone still have feelings for the person you're starting something with, will you still do it anyways, will you go for it? Are you going to smile above someone else's pain? Are you going to choose your own happiness, knowing that you've taken theirs?????

In my life I learned, that when you've experienced so much pain in your life, you'll get used to it (YES NUMB). You forgot how it felt like to scar yourself, to tear your skin apart, or to bleed (And not that I've literally hurt myself). No matter how many times you say that you don't care, crying for it numerous amount of times actually let you know that you do give a damn. I may be numb after all those things that I've been through, but I'm not heartless. But, honestly, for once, I thought I could prove my heart that my brain was wrong or totally not operated!!! 

Why can't I be normal just once in my life? Is this not enough crap I have to go through? Can I not fall for someone, and having no drama involved behind it, be happily attached to them? Is that really... REALLY... Too much to ask? Screw everyone who ever fell in love, screw those who said it's okay to choose to be happy, screw every butterflies in my stomach, screw every dreams I ever believed in. You know why being alone doesn't suck? It's because that way, nobody can ever hurt you. You know what... I'm done. Just leave me be.

diet day 3,4,5,6,7

so far i already lost one kg!! and guess what!! again the appetite is beyond my control!!!!!
i ate 20 sticks chicken satay with lontong of course!!!!! i dont know how much rebound i will get cos of tonight dinner!!! 
DEAD MAN WALKING!!!!!!! today just promise to my pt that i will lose till 67 kg by next week! 
drive me nuts okay all of these pressures! oh yeah... i remembered i told u guys *kayak ada yg baca aja blognya... my stalker kan cuman satu!! ayo yg lagi baca jgn senyum2 rin ;p* that i will gym at the morning and body language exercise at noon... well until today am only exercise at the morning cause im so exhausted okay!!! so just give me more courage ya Tuhan.. supaya gak give up!!! I WONT!!! cause we are COMMITTED PEOPLE!!!! 


ANYWHOOOOOO.....
i may still not know what i want to be when i reach 30!!! i got a lot of thoughts recently especially when its bed time... i got scared until now im still financially dependent, and the worse part is im getting lazier to achieve my old time dreams but i do still have the big wish u know to live in a small house but pretty filled with books and travel souvenirs. i havent decided where i want to settle yet, but its a big possibility that it will be New York (yeah my big dream xp), Kuala Lumpur (i love this city never cant get enougth, oh KL im in love hahahhaa), or maybe switzerland!!!! or maybe my hometown (toeng toeng). the walls that arent covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. when i leave the house, i will be going to a job i love and i'll return to a person i love. That's the dream i'm working on. 

diet day 2 and 3!!

kmaren makan pete kan jadi mencret2 entah kenapa so i lost 1 pound!! horeeeyyy!!!
tapi hari ini makan nasi satu piiring gede!!! rebound lagi deh buahahahaha...


65 65 65 i promise tonite i only let myself to dine ubi singkong!!!! ihihihi

Diet day 1

mulai skrg saya akan mereport tentang "progress diet" mulai hari ini!!!
iyo dari tercatat tanggal satu maret ini saya akan memulai kembali "strict diet"
fitness angkat beban pagi hari sore senam body languange
terus cuman mengkonsumsi ubi sebagai pengganti nasi! memang ubi tinggi karbnya tapi kalorinya tidak setinggi nasi putih or nasi merah! seratnya lebi tinggi gitu!

terus kalo lapar mencoba untuk mengkonsumsi "kemplang panggang" ini tidak bikin gemuk karena proses memasaknya di panggang bukan di goreng:))))

karen buah tidak terlalu suka oleh karena itu saya memilih utk dijus! biasanya campuran apel, tomat, wortel, pir korea, buah lai ijo n strobery! hihihihi

terus kalo masak garemnya dikit karena klo banyak fatnya susah turun n gula dikit biar turun berat badannya cepet :)))

dari september - november strict diet =  78 kg menjadi 69 kg (MAKAN 5 kali cuman makan nasi merah)

dari november-february gak diet mulai makan nasi putih n mulai makan mie, uda brani coba2 makan chitato n coklat!! jadi lah dari 69 rebound ke 71!!! skrg sih 69.8 kg!!!

jadi march- september  doakan saya untuk temen wedding: 55 kg!!!!!
jadi march ini saya targetkan utk bisa reach 65kg!!!! AMIN!


AYOK SARI SEMANGATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

found biggest motivation

aku uda ketemu role model!!! 

i found this girl has the same glance with me... i dont know why but yes!!!

so i set my new goal!! i want to be fit!!! i want to look fresh!!!

jadi mulai skrg!!! aku bneer2 diettt!!! menu yg dikasih pt mulai lagi!!!!!!! haruss!!!!

20 things want guys to know

Sometimes the truth is not always pretty, but it just has to be told. And I appreciate honesty, even when I don't agree with 'em sometimes. I saw a few tumblrs recently that posted thoughts about 20 things they want the other gender to know about theirs. And it's interesting to know what others have to say, because there can never be the same thought. There might be similar opinion, but never the same thought. Because 2 people can read the same book and come up with different summaries. And that's what's interesting about the human mind.

I made this up from all the stories that I heard from friends that have had or are in a relationship or i experienced myself. But hey, hope this is something you'd see and make you go, "Hmmm, that is (sort of) true..." So here's my version about 20 things girls want guys to know!

1. We just don't like being rushed. Don't rush us to love you, because those sorts of feelings are not something we can create, it just happens. So if you keep pushing us to do so, then nothing's ever going to happen.

2. We would appreciate it if you don't tell us who to go out with, where to go to, or what time we should be home. We have our curfews, we know the limits. My parents don't make it a big deal, so shouldn't you.

3. "Up to you," or "Don't know," are such a turn off whenever we ask you questions we really need for you to answer. It could have piss us off real bad!

4. If we say, "No sex," then we mean "I'm keeping it for my husband." Some girls, like me, have standards in life. Respect that.

5. Tell us your dreams. We are good listeners, trust us. We're not gonna laugh at your wildest dream like your guys would. Unless when your dream is to sleep with Scarlett Johansson.

6. Never EVER compare us to your ex(es). We're our own person, and it's better off if you let us know that we are so much better than your last(s).

7. Compliments are essentials! Lots and lots of it. If we say, "Oh, stop!" We actually meant, "Go on..." ;)

8. We don't look at other guys from head to toe whenever we're going out with you. So appreciate our presence, will 'ya?

9. We have a hard time getting over a guy whenever we're done with one guy, and it hurts us whenever you move on quickly after you're done with us (which most likely would happen)

10. We know you're not mind readers, but silent treatments, shoulder shrugs, tears, yelling, or nasty looks-- all add up to... YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! What more signs could you possibly need?!

11. "I was wrong," beats the heck out of any three words you say every single day! Which are 'I love you', 'I miss you' or 'I need you.' (In some cases, of course...)

12. If you're about to do something stupid, we would like for you to consider if it's something that would like to be done towards your Mom or lil' sis, then maybe you'd think twice!

13. Anything you do or say to another girl that you wouldn't want us to know about is considered cheating.

14. We don't like it if you act differently or be a jerk around your friends.

15. No girl would ever want to only be your "friend with benefits."

16. If you don't want us to expect you that you read minds, then don't expect us to be, too! Telling us your true feelings would make a world difference :)

17. Open the door for us, lead the way when we're in crowded places, or cook for us-- I don't know, think of something creative, because as much as we like everything well planned, sometimes surprises don't hurt ;)

18. We fully understand that you are a human with feelings, show it to us! Crying is okay every once in a while, you don't need to always keep your guards up every time.

19. We know you're funny and all, but having serious talks about the future can make us fall head over heels too, you know.

20. Don't expect us to be perfect when you have issues yourself.

And an addition from me is that not all girls like to dress up and wear make-up every time. I enjoy my slippers and tee-plus-jeans most of the time, so don't expect all of us to be exactly the same ;) We're different and beautiful in our own ways, and if you got a problem with that, then honestly, it really is your loss. Haha!

i want to watch the vow!!!!

The Vow from tumblr review!!!!

It’s all too easy to dismiss The Vow as being a lightweight brainless romantic drama, but I like to see it differently. I quite liked the movie. Channing Tatum somehow did awkwardness really well, and Rachel McAdams was stunning, as usual.

But I saw it slightly deeper than that - just reflecting after watching the movie, two verses sprung to mind - 1 Corinthians 13 and Joshua 1:9.

Everyone has heard of 1 Corinthians 13, but let me start off with the most well-known verse, verse 4:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”

Wow. Powerful stuff eh? These verses were originally written about God’s perfect love for us, giving up His Son on the Cross. But you know, I felt that Leo was a great example of how we can apply 1 Cor. 13 in our own lives, when it comes to someone you love. Sure, he may not have gotten it perfect the whole time - he would get frustrated, angry and sad at times - but then again neither was King David perfect either, and this a “man after God’s own heart”. Leo’s character was an example of how to be patient, how to be selfless, how to love. He still loved her and was willing to do the best for her despite the way she treated him. He was willing to let her go - to not see her for months; to let her live her own life - if it was for her own good, even though there was a possibility she may not come back.

Honestly though, I guess I understood Leo’s occasional frustration of trying to make Paige love him once again. Believe me, I have tried. But in the end, the movie taught another lesson here - you cannot force someone to love you. You can only hope and wait for them to change their mind and heart. Only God can do that. For us, we can just try to not be discouraged. Think Joshua 1:9 -

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Well, this is not really a spoiler, but Leo and Paige did live happily ever after. Despite all the setbacks, all the discouragements, Leo never gave up on Paige. And I pray that I never give up either. That is why I should never be discouraged. Because God is always with me and He knows best.

midnight in paris review

"All men fear death. It's a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven't loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have conquered before, you have conquered a great woman's heart. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task, for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness, you feel immortal."

The quote above was from a movie that had instantly slid to one of the top spot of my favorite movie list in 2012. I saw Midnight in Paris yesterday. wanted to write a review the minute i shut down my lappie because i was in major mind-blown state of shock. The movie was set to film in Paris. You would quickly fall head over heels for the city the minute the movie starts, it began with a set of breathtaking views from the City of Romance itself. If you've never been to Paris, it makes you feel like you wanted to book the next flight scheduled to depart-- and if you have, you would still want to book the next flight scheduled to depart. The movie wasn't at all heavy drama, but it's not considered as comedy either, it was a good balance of both. And the movie was about the life of a writer! How could I possibly fall in love with the movie any deeper?

Gil (Wilson) was a writer who came to Paris with fiancé, Inez (McAdams), for a trip with Inez's parents who happened to flew there for a business trip. They accidentally came across Frank-- who Inez had a crush on back in the days-- alongside his wife, who also visited Paris for a different purpose. Despite the chain of events that happened in Paris, Gil just wasn't into the whole going-out-and-having-fun. He was a little off from the rest of the group, so to speak. So he finds time to write his novel that he's been working on, and by chance, he 'time-travel' back to the early 20s when he met his idols such as Hemingway, Fitzgerald and even Picasso. That was when the story really began.

In his search for certainty of the future, he came to the past. As his passion for writing grew, his affection towards his fiancé, Inez, slowly faded away. Gil even found a new woman that he had fell for as he was having this back and forth trip to the past, her name was Adriana (Cotillard), who seemed to seek pleasure in being "the other woman" on plenty of other men's relationships. She was a real stunner, that's for sure and I guess what went wrong was because Gil had chosen what looked like an open option. The minute he chose the other woman, Adriana, is the minute where his chance to get back with Inez decreased by a mile. On the other hand, Inez wasn't really the good angel either. She showed interest towards Frank-- although they both were happily in love, or at least I thought that they were-- which made it much more complicated than I thought it was. 

The movie taught me about doing things that you love and maybe looking through life every now and then on who should stay and who should go. Life, from the beginning, was never certain, so might as well just live with it and do what you love and everything will follow. Happiness, money, even love. Every goodbye is going to reward you with another hello.

"That's what the present is. It's a little unsatisfying. Because life's a little unsatisfying."

family

okeh gw capek ye ngepost pake bahasa ingeris mulu...
so yesterday i decided to deactivate my social networking sites starts from twitter and then facebook.
i know its hard for me but i guess its better to detox my self from that kind of stuffs for a while.

so dad bought "juke white" for mom as a valentine day gift and then dad asked back mommy what she got for his valentine day gift!! HAHA i knew it mom will always forgot bout this thing.. she is just to ignorance for it..
well.. i got birthday cake for them:))) i order one for them and then we decided to have a karaoke night to celebrate dad'bday and val day which fall into the same day TOMORROW! SUPER YEAY!

anywhoooo... i guess  2 days ago yeah !! i got this little argue with my mom!!! so we have a somekind of cat fight!! honestly, im hurt about what she told me about... its not proper to tell u guys so i will just seal my lips about it!!! but i told my mom about this.. how can she talked like that to me... well considered these few months i feel so terrible about myself.. i just need more self-esteem and the things is i dont know how to build it:(

thats not called a family though without any fight.. we should show our true colour :))) just like me and my family!!! we talked anythineg in front of our face!!!! its hurt though but its good! so there is no lies between us!!

another thing... my sister is on the way home!!! tomorrow hope she landed home safely!!!!
ngomong2 masalah berat badan yah!! uda turun sih ke 68 skrg!!! pkknya end of feb mesti 65 lah!! soalnya bakal move in ke jkt kan!!! terus bakal ada job interviews!!! gila aja klo gw masi kayak babonn!! hahahahah..

pkknya gw pengen KERJA!!! uda imajinasi aja gw nih!! ok dad give me a privilege!! he send another car from my hometown to jakarta!! jadi saya dikasi rumah  and mobil!!!! seee MY DAD BESTNYE!!!!
mana entar di daerah pik ...  ada olip! ada tmn2 juga yg dkt2 situ tinggal!! oh uda gak sabar!!!!!

uda pengen overnight drumah temen klo uda kerja di jakarta!!! pegii ke bandung nyetir sendiri!! ya amponnn!!! mimpi oh mimpi!!!! pokoknya im so excited dengan maret!!!!!

POKOKNYA YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AKU BENER2 PENGENNNNN MANDIRI!!!!
GW PENGEN BY AGE OF 30!!! GW BISA BAWA KELUARGA GW HOLIDAY OVERSEAS!! ITS PAYBACK TIMEE!!!! DULU BOKAP GW PERNA BAYARIN GW KULIAH 5 TAHON!!!!! YG MANA DISITU GW UDA NGABISIN 0.5 MIL... IYAH SERIUS!!! LEBI LAH KLO DITAMBAH SAMA LIFESTYLE EXPENSES GITU!!! POKOKKNYA ITS PAYBACK TIME!!
GW JANJI GW GAK MAO LAGI BOROS2!!!! KARENA GW GAK MAO NGABISIN MASA MUDA GW INI DGN POYA POYA!! ENOUGH ALREADY DGN SENENG2!!
OGAH GW NANTI UDA TUA RENTA MASI CARI DUIT!!!


POKOKNYA MIMPI PERTAMA BUAT ORTU SENENG DULU!!!!! AND BY THAT BUKAN GW MAO CARI SUAMI TAJIR!! OGAH!!! GW MESTI NGANDELIN DIRI SENDIRI!!!
THIS MARCH!!! IM LOOOKING FORWARD FO R THE NEW ME!!!!!

GO MY OWN WAY

Have you ever wanted to stop living? Don't get me wrong into thinking I'm too emo on this one. I don't mean suicidal. Just to stop. Run away some place and start fresh. Like everything is not right anymore and you just want to be happy again. Your mind is so occupied that you don't know how to be unhappy. How to stop all the drama. Then you smile... Trying so hard to ease the pain. Happy, just in a sad way. We're all actors somehow. We know how to fake a smile. And only the true friends know when we really mean it or when we hide something. The thing is, we're always afraid of changes when we need it. Some changes cause goodbyes and we're just afraid to part. It gets harder though; goodbyes. But when it's time to part, you just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. Cry. Then go about the business of living. That's how it needs to be done. Not feeling sorry for yourself. Just believe you can do it on your own. Just go your own way. 

maybe....

I've lost a little piece of me and found myself whole with you. It scares me. The thought of maybe I'm too weird for you. Maybe I'm just too much to handle. Maybe someday you'll forget... And move on. But by then, maybe, maybe, I'm still here. Lingering. In your presence that was absent. Missing the person I shouldn't miss, thinking about the person I shouldn't think about, dreaming of someone I shouldn't be dreaming of. I am just one of the same beings. Looking for another beautifully crafted being. A being so imperfectly made that they seem ever so perfect. Perfect because I don't have to try. Not trying too hard is easy for me. What's hard is winning your heart. Over and over. Trying to impress you... Every single day. To make you feel my love. And that's tiring. I don't think that's ever necessary. I just want you to want me. Maybe... Maybe that's enough for me. Funny how this destiny thing works, right? You were supposed to meet someone, think alike, get attracted to each other, and then fate put us in different lanes. Separated. When love is all you wanted. Love makes you feel alive and then love is the same reason you could be dying on the inside.

dad's bday :)

This post dedicated to my dad, on his 56th birthday




A hardworking, immature yet witty man, the person I call my Dad. There's not much I can say about this guy, since I don't really know him because we just met like an hour per day. But there's always a little part of him I carry with me wherever. Isn't it weird how people spend time looking for money and when you've had the money, you come searching for time? and thanks for everything u fight for us!!! u are such incredible father!! irreplaceable figure :))) i will always love you dad :))

Mom's birthday

it's tough to describe what perfect means. Since none of us can really experience the meaning of this word, maybe all we have to do is let the word be. Today is Mom's 50th birthday, and trust me-- she's anything but perfect.

I'm the kind of girl who can say that my Mom is my rock or I can talk each and every thing to. Or she's the kind of person you look up to, or you can just call 'my best friend.'  but sometimes i fell insecure to tell everything about my privacy stories xp because after all, i dated someone that my mom disagree with.. she told me he is a nice guy but still u both cant get along together because some reasons which one of them is our difference in religion. 

In real life or on TV keep saying "My Mom made my dreams possible because she's been through every obstacle with me," well for sure me n my mom was that kind of thing..  and she keep telling me to move on if im start mumbling  about my ex!! she told me "COME ON!!! GET A NEW ONE ALREADY" BHAHAHAHAK. we can sing and dance like crazy people in the car while driving to gym place. like i just dance Pixie lott songs --> kiss the stars and my mom starts to nod her head and follow the beat of the music! MY MOM "VERY FUN PEOPLE!" every my high school fren who came to my place they always told me that im so lucky to get mom so easygoing and ceria gitu serius!!!  


Even-though not everything was smooth sailing.. sometimes i argued al ot with my mom and im type of girl who can scold my mom with high tone... 
but she still love me, i know it deep down there. 


And God thanks for giving me such an awesome parents!!!!! THANKS!!!!! 

my favorite quotes

It was real, wasn't it? You and me. Such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we? - The notebook


"And everything worth having is worth waiting for"

there is no bad person, they are just good people took the wrong path :)

I know some people are good with lyrics, some paint to express themselves, some with words, and I guess I fall into that category, I write because I have something to write about, my intention is as simple as that, not because I expect people to even read it, so honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I really thank those who even gave the time to read and those who even comment on my blog (besides Twitter. I felt like it's becoming a daily diary too). And personally, to me this has become a regular thing for me and what I write is also personal, what's close to the heart, that's why I deleted some of my friends on facebook, I just don't want to open up to some random people, so I just want to have a word without even saying a word, you know? (sorry if that confuses you) 'Cause I do feel like it would make you know me so much better, almost like an unspoken conversation that is written. I know I might not be the only person to have experience all this I'm about to talk about, so if some people chose to not share it to the world, I'm the exact opposite, I'm willing to speak up :) 

I've been mislead so may times I can't even remember how much. Or was it just me that's bad in interpreting signals? I've never been the person to say the word love easy, 'cause I love to take my time, and I mean really take my time. What is there to rush, right? You can say I have trust issues, I don't mind, because frankly that's how I am, so why deny something that is one part of who I am, I might be stubborn at times but I would definitely admit if something is true.

It would be such a lie for me not to confess, I did regret some of the decisions I took in the past. There is one who showed his feelings too early, that I honestly haven't even thought about growing any feelings towards him just yet, so I think things too rushed are just not good. Easy come, easy go, remember? There's one that had no feelings towards me at all and yet I fell for him so hard so fast. There's one that was heading towards that direction, yet he took it as just some kind of game. There's one who just liked the chase, there's one who put me as an option, meaning if he doesn't get me as his girl, he has a bunch others in his closet that he can just pick and go out with. One that I fell head over heels for yet he make me feel like I'm invisible. One who made me a rebound, and one who thinks money can go a long way. Really? At this era? Sad, shallow guy. It's not about how many guys who came in and out of your life, it's how deep a guy has been a part of your life. Same goes to friendship, there can be a ton of friends, but those close to the heart are a few.

I know my friends think that I can come across as mean to guys, and I never even wanna hurt anybody, but I just say it like it is. If there's no sparks, and if I know that there's never going to be, then I'll be straight up, I don't want to keep a guy guessing, because I know I don't like to be kept guessing, and quite frankly I'm bad at making things up, ask my sister and my beloved friends, they knows me "a plintat plintut decider". I just don't like a guy who tries too much, I want everything to flow, I don't need forced impressions, I just want everything to fall into place. And maybe surprises won't hurt, 'cause as much as I hate crushing on my own best friend, sometimes it happens, and there's nothing I can do about it. Bottom end, I think what matters is that you can talk for hours without running out of conversations. Someone you can have long and deep talks to,(kalo dulu gw lebi pilih cowok wangi, rapih, keren, cool, skrg gw pikir itu gak ada nilainya.. kalo diajak ngomong kita berdua gak punya common interest)  but also someone who adds a dose of humor so you really look forward to talk to him (i found but i lost in along the way ihihihik T_T). So, girls, when you're asking, "What are you doing right now?" every 2 minutes then you know there's nothing there.

No people are created bad, and I believe there are no bad guys, they just grew up in the middle of all the wrong people, or they make ridiculous kinds of decisions, or they just can't resist any other temptations. In short, nobody is a bad person, they're just good people who took the wrong path. That's why now i understand very well when decide about my future life partner i will take my time, because as time goes, I see how stupid I was to even consider that guy as an option. I just happen to find out how their true characters are, before taking it further to more than just friends. It's not just like any ordinary gut feeling, it's so much powerful than that, and it surprises me every time whenever I found out that it's true. Well, what can I say, it runs in the family ;)

and how can you truly forgive, if you never forget ?

It's not that I hold grudge against people who hurt me. But why does it still give me a 'punch in the heart' every time someone brings it up and ask me about it?

I think no matter how many times we tell others how we've gotten over something, somehow deep down it's still there, the pain relives itself. And no matter how many times we say we got our invulnerability ready of change, we just never get used to losing people. Especially when that person left a special mark in our life.

The hardest part about moving on is picking up the pieces and throwing it all away. Oh no, wait, and also having to start all over again. I question God sometimes. And I think it's something we all can relate to, because we go through this phase too at one point or another. I question if there's really going to be a guy who's worth all the mishaps I've went through, having none of them getting to a point where I make it official, and stuck in a cycle which is meeting someone- being friends, going somewhere and have to go back to the first step all over. But someday there would be this one guy who makes all this questions sound stupid, to make all the pain worth something, to make the tears actually worth shedding.

"masih disini untuk setia.."

Warning. This post is very long. So make sure you're in the right position while sitting or laying or just staring while reading my blog, 'cause if you're not, you might want to change to the most comfortable position possible :) 

Gak heran semua orang paling aneh kalo lagi jatuh cinta. Gw sendiri merasakan hal yang sama sih. Kaenya semua yang diliat mata ngingetin sama seseorang. Dengerin lagu ingetnya tu orang, ngeliat tipi ingetnya tu orang, sampe kadang ngeden aja bisa inget tuh orang, liat idungnya kayak gimana dikit ih ini mirip dia.. PARAH

Ya oke lah gw ngaku gw ga gampang cinta sama orang tpi gw gampang suka sama orang:). gw selama ini uda pacaran dua kali.. gak tau sih yg pertama keitung  pacaran apa gak.. abis pcrnnya cuman lwat telpon mulu... tapi kayaknya sih keitung lah.. secara uda kopi darat 2 kali! pcr2 gw kalo bisa dibilang org2nya super sabar bo! pacar pertama gw! dulu pas dari bangka.. tahan jemput gw dari rempoa lebak bulus noh jemput ke soetta! mana pswat gw delay ye sejeman bayangin die nungu brp jem tuh di erpot! setibanya di jkt, kan gw bareng bonyok! jadi die jauh2 dari bintaro cuman buat nyapa2 lambai tangan doang! salaman aja kagak bo! abis gw bnr2 panik! waktu itu masih SMP kelas 3 bokap gw strict bgt mslh pcaran.. liat gw nyamperin cowok stranger bisa pengsan HAHA tapi sumpah tuh cowok sih sabar abis! diputusin yah gitu tetep sabar nelpon balik ngajak balikan.. klo nelpon bisa ampe 9 jam bo! bayangin loh ngomong apa aja 9jam! kagak percaya? LOE boleh tanya adek gw! perna gw ktiduran sampe dgr dia crita krn ga tau mo ngom apalagi... klo diinget2 zaman itu serius ye jadi lucu bgt! dulu waktu putus krn gw pikir gak bisalah dia uda mau lulus bntar lagi jadi lawyer gw baru mau sma! LD lagi ampe brp taon.. gak kuat gw srrius hahahah.. dulu sih ampe nangis darah mencret2... artinya skrg gw juga bisa dong move on "Insya Allah deh"

kalo cowok yg kedua gw..hmmpppphh... ntar ajaa ya critanya klo gw uda fully move on.. tapi aneh juga sih.. jujur awal2 putus amit2 bencinya... pake gw sumpah2in skrg sih uda rada kalem gw... kalem bencinya maksudnya HAHAHA.. dulu kalo inget die perna selingkuh "wadoh dendemnya amit2" bawaanya jadi kejem mulu klo liat mukanya! skrg... aneh bin ajaib bak uda gak perna terjadi.. tapi ye tetep ye gw belom bisa ilang bencinya.. hahahhaha 

yg gw sebel setelah gw jomblo, sodara2 gw dong biasa busy body! sok2 ngasih advice mesti gini klo mao cari cowok mesti gitu kalo mao cari cowok! gw skrg mao jomblo dulu!!! gw gak desperate kok!!! tapi nyokap gw ampe kirain gw "sakit" demennya ama cewek! iya sih itu penyakit gw dari sma! kalo liat ce bening bawaannya mao gw pelok! sakit gw ini sempet sembuh klo gw punya cowok! klo gw jomblo mulai tgn gw in action grepe2 BHAHAHAHAHAK xp Tapi nyokap juga suka kepo banget dah. Nyomblang-nyomblangin sama anak temennya. Dikirain bisa kayak sinetron ato jaman yang Siti Nurbaya gitu lah. 

Bisa dibilang gua trauma-an orangnya. Trauma jatuh cinta tepatnya wahahaah. Takut disabot temen lagi, takut diduain (emang mantep lah jadi cowo, belom jadian juga udah ada serep just in case dia deketin gua and gua ditolak, jadi gua deketin gua nya cuma main hoki-hoki an aja), ato takut disakitin lagi. 

Herannya kalo udah cinta sama satu nemploknya itu muluuuuu. Mo orang bilang gak mungkin kek, bilang gak cocok kek, ga ganteng kek, bodooooo guuuuua sukaaaaa!!! Kalo first crush gua dulu itu sih paling sedap. 4 taun gua puja-puja tuh manusia. Kasih inisial X. gak bukan crush juga sih ye.. susahhhh ngomnya.. gw tuh aneh tau gak orangnya! giliran disukain balik gw jadi ilpil! gw maonya gw yg ngejer2 agresif! pdhl kalo kayak gitu cowok mana juga ilfil ye sama ce2 agresif hahaha! gw males banget mesti act "play hard to get" aduhh bukan gw bangetlah!! klo loe suka napa cuba loe mesti tahan2 diri gak bales smsnya.. malahan sengaja hangging that guy kayak sejem baru bales lagi!!! eh cewek loe fake banget SERIUS!!! mo sampe kapan loe play that kind of games! 

tapi jujur ye dari sd sampe sma, gw tuh bisa dibilang kategori cewek yg gampang suka tapi gw juga gampang ilfil! perna yah kelas 2 smp gw maen lempar2an kertas ma nih cowok! mayan orgnya! trus tman gw in behalf of me becandain mao gak jadi cowok gw... eh dikirain ama dia "beneran" trus dia serius gitu mukanya.. accidently jadian lah kita.. gw jg bingung yeee bisa gitu.. trus pas abis kluar maen guru mtk masuk eh si cowok ini masuk kelasnya telat... jadi die dimarahin ama si ibu guru.. COBA GW LANGSUNG ILFIL *gampang bgt* trusss pas pulang skolah gw panggil die "eh sori ye tadi cuman becandaaan gak serius" bukan krn becandanya sih tpi krn sbnrnya gw ilfilll... hahahahahhaah

tapi abs itu si cowok jadi demen nelpon kerumah hahahaha.. "zaman2 itu gw lagi demen ntn kabut cinta tuh pilemnya sih vicky zhou" inget soalnya die nelpon gw pas lgi ntn tuh pilem hehehe

eh zaman sd juga sih gw perna suka cowok! gw anak pindahan kan dari sd laen.. nih cowok gw kirim surat cinta pas valday SARI GENIT KANNNN!!!! hahahah... ehhhh si coowk gak ngom iya toh... tapiii ketahuan lah dari tingkahnya nih cowok gw tuh kasarnya uda jadian hahaha.. suka maenin kaki gw tuh dari bawah meja.. suka kejer2an... die dulu demen bgt ngatain gw "kribo" emang gw dulu kribo bgttt hahahaha.. trus ada nih cewek dari jkt pindahan T_T pas dari itulah die ngom "surat cintanya uda gw robek2"  pdhl uda lama bgt tuh surat cinta gw kasih... emmm move onnya bisa dibilang cepet gw cuman nangis pas kluar maen aja trus uda deh gak gitu mikirin hahahaha.. 

tapi untungnya gw dari dulu gak perna sih ngasih cowok barang2 gitu... sama cowok pertama gw .. tapi die baek banget sih.. uda perna dikasih kalung, boneka hallmarks itu, trus CD record lagu2 jepang yg die suka.. iye zaman itu kita bedua jepan freak bgt makanya cocok! gw demen lagu2 jepang kayak kinki kids die juga demen ;p trus die juga demen maen final fantasi 8 ama 9 tuh si zidane yuna, squall ama rinoa.. hahahah 

trus pas pcaran maa die gw demen puterin OST love generationn yg maen takuya kimura ya klo gak salah ehehe... cuman ya itu oeh berat diongkos... perna ampe disembur abis2an ama bokap satu bulan karto halo abodemen tagihannya amppe 1 juta cuman buat SMS loh belom nelpon bwkakkakaka parahhhh deh dulu 

Intinya, ya ya, so emang gw belom menemukan tambatan hati. Bukan karena gw pilih-pilih, tapi krn emg dari gwnya belom bisa komit (ini yg sbnrnya gw nuduh mantan trkahir takut komit, sbnrnya sih gw yg komitmen phobic). yah tapi ada sih dua cowok pas sma ngedeketin gw!!! yg satu kokoh yg satu aak.. iye krn yg assatu china yg satu lagi muslim.. 

dua2nya uda ada CEWEK! n pas mereka deketin gw gk tau klo mereka tuh ada cewek! serius gw gak tau! si iqball~ gw demen ama dia krn mayan bersih orgnya rapi gitu deh trus giginya putih! anaknya okelah diatas 170! gw awalnya gak demen bo! pas ditanyain no hp aje nih gw ngom dlm ati "apaa2n sih nanya2 no hape" eh krn sering disms lah trus diece2in ama tmn2 gw.. gw jadi mulai suka "tuh gw gampang kan suka"  trus gitu deh uda deket klo kluar maen die nyamperin mulu! lama2 kayaknya die yg ilfil!! hahah gw suka pelorotin upil gw ke baju die.. ithough its funny! tapi kayaknya tingkat humor die masi jauh dibawah gw.. hahahahahaha

yg gw heran pas lagi festival skolah gw... tmnnya nyamperin ngom die "brengsek" gw bingung kan... okeh i will pass this one!!! eh gak taunya temen gw nelpon gw malemnya.. pas si kokoh nelpon gw.. tmn gw namanya tiasha gw loudspeaker  hp while kokoh telponan pk telpon rumah.. "eh sari tadi gw liat si iqbal lagi amaa si putri bedua makan sate (JADI GW PIKIR  SI IIQBAL ini uda putus ama si putri ternyata eh ternyata belom sodara2)

yah nyebelinnya lagi!!! gw mana tau sih iqbal masi pacaran ama cewknya! (si putri ini anak SMA 1 ) eh si putri ini nyebarin lah crita klo gw itu cinta mati ama cowoknya!!!! helooooow!!! ur guy approaching me at the very first place!!! 

kadang2 krn kejadian ini bikin gw ngerti deh!! jangan2 cewek yg dislingkuhin ama mantan gw jg gak tau klo cowok gw pacaran!!!!! adohhh jadi ngerasa bersalah jg sih sama nih mulut!!!! emang bnr WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!!!!  eh seriusss nulis blog jadi brainstormed bgt hihihi 

iye jadi pas gw deket dulu ama si iqbal ini.. si kokoh demen juga nelpon tpi die uda kerja suka lewat skolah gw.. trus kbulan supiir gw demen belanja di toko si kokoh n gw duduk manis di dl mobil. eh si kokoh nanya ama supir gw boleh gak mint no hape si sari " ya udahhh dehhh booo... seringllah gw telponan ama ni si kokoh... baek jg orgnya.. valentine gw dikasih boneka.. gw ultah dikasih hadiah ada kali sampe 3 boneka.. yg satunya dijadiin bantal ama bokap gw.. jadilah byk benua2 dari ilernya si papah hahah... tapi sayangnya si kokoh ini jga punya cewek ternyata!!!!!! gw tau knp co2 itu ngedeketin gw sih!! krn gw manisss gw gak sok pede ye! tpi klo gw gak manis kenapa coba mereka ngedeketin gw ya kan!!! klo utk grepe2 gak mungkin krn reputasi gw bener2 bersih dari sd smp sma!!! iyaaaa donggg bokap gw terkenal galak!! co kalo mao dateng kerumah "bokap gw selalu ngom "UDA KUAT BATOK KEPALANYA" iye gw bnr2 gak perna kayak anak2 muda pacaran gtuh di luar jam skolah.. 

superrrr bgttt dulu anak baek2nya... 

untuk tau aja sih gw perlu move on sama si iqbal ini susah bo walopun gak perna pegangan tangan!!! gila kan!!! gak pernaaa!!!!!!!!!!!  tapiiiii tapiiii gw sampe babat abis rambut eike yg panjanggggggg!!! hahahh trus krn stress gw jadi makan bnyk!!! ampe naek 7 kilo deh kaykaya pas itu.. itu pas kelas 2 sma!! bayangin ampe gw ke malay gw masi belom move on.. iye kadang2 nangis aja sedih kenapa di perlalukan gitu ama cowok!!! 

kenapa mereka uda ada cewek tapi masih ngedeketin cewek lagi n ... sedihhh abiss.. 

sampe pas gw mao ke malaysia.. si iqbal sms ngom "klo die sayang banget sama gw.. iye gw percaya lagi bo gw telen abis2 itu sms brp panjangnya" sampe kayaknya fas fondie setaon aja gw masi inget2 ama die kadang" untung aja di malaysia tmn2nya fun... jadiiii ya lama2 lupa juga sih.... 

jadi tau kan alasan kenapa gw takut berkomitmen 'Cause guys I've met are such jerks. Sebelum para pria protes dan bikin demo (mentang-mentang mo Pemilu), gua clarify deh, gak semua cowo kayak gitu. Kalo kayak iklan rokok bilang gua maunya tu cowo tuh Less Talk Do More. Kalo kata mba gua "Ya belom rejeki nya ya, De." 

Lo pasti mikir, "Gila ni cewe sial bener, kayak yang di sinetron-sinetron tuh yang bagian nangis-nangis mulu dah kerjaannya." Mungkin bener, for now. But I believe in happy endings(:

All I need is one guy to prove not every one of them is the same. Gak muluk, kan? 

Jadi ya, untuk para pria yang udah punya cewe, sayangilah cewe lu, jangan bosenan, belom nikah aja bosenan, gimana udah nikah? Dan para cewe, jangan pada kolokkan, coba ngertiin cowo lo ( INI GW LAGI NGOM AMA DIRI SENDIRI SIH  HAHAHAHAHA). Ga di SMS se-jem langsung kayak cicak kehilangan buntutnya (eh tapi kan cicak emang gak sakit ya kalo ilang buntutnya, as it's part of their self-defense). Intinya, cherish what you have, be thankful. 

Buat para jomblo, it's not the end of the world, time is by our side :)

And yes, my prince in shining armor, I'm waiting...

Keep the faith ;)

XOXO